Living the Pseudo Life

Lessons learned from LJ.  Thus far I’ve endeavored to keep my angst out of the public sphere, but you know what?  Fuck it.  *Cue blanket statement overstating said angst*

WHAT IS WRONG WITH AMERICA?

Our economy has gone to shit.

There’s no gas.

And this morning I woke up to this uplifting piece on the Today Show:

It’s a promo for a documentary that’s airing on BBC America tonight (which I’m not sure I’ll have the stomach to watch) featuring women who own “reborns,” life-like dolls that they treat as real infants.

Figure 1: Why?

And they’re not cheap.  The typical reborn doll runs from $1000 up to $4000.  The women profiled had differing reasons behind their “hobby.”  The mother of a two-year old missed the feeling of holding an infant in her arms.  A childless woman needed an outlet for her maternal feelings.  “They fill a spot in your heart,” says the dolls’ creator.

Much like the Real Girl dolls featured in Lars and the Real Girl, I guess there are two ways you can go with this– creepy or sad.  I think I’m leaning towards the latter.

Great way to start the day huh?  I’m afraid it has caused a downward cognitive spiral and propelled me head first into the existential abyss that is Life After College.  I made the decision about this time last year that I wanted to take some time off after graduation rather than launch straight into graduate school.  It was for the best because had I not, I would have been miserable and most likely failing out of a neuroscience program somewhere.  As it stands, I’ve decided to apply to law school for next fall; but I can’t help but constantly question myself– what AM I doing?

In a lot of ways, this year has seemed kind of like a holding tank before bigger and better things.  Not really my life, but a crude mock up of things to come.  A pseudo life if you will.  Pseudo-homes.  Pseudo-jobs.  Pseudo-relationships.  Pseudo-children.  Hell, pseudo-vice presidential candidates.   (Curiously absent though, Sussudio).

I can think of a few explanations.  Blame it on caprice, indecision, youth.  Or maybe we’re all just afraid of the real thing.  <—-OMG t0t3z d33pz0rz!

October 1, 2008 at 6:19 pm Leave a comment

Recruitment Tools

Hot off the presses! It’s my latest romantic embarrassment!

Figure 1: Not an accurate representation of the hotness in question.

So I’m walking down the steps of Vance Hall when I lock eyes with a very handsome young man striding across McCorkle Place (looks a lot like my Clefhanger gym crush, if you remember him, Miak). Anyway, trying to seem friendly and non-threatening, I smile. He walks a few more paces and then turns around. I smile again. He walks a little bit farther, stops, and asks why I’m walking alone (well duh it’s 3 in the afternoon on a Wednesday and I have shit to do…but I’ll let it slide). Anyway, he waits for me to catch up and I’m thinking SUCCESS. We’re strolling through campus chit chatting when out of nowhere he asks, “Has anyone ever talked to you about joining the army?” GODFUCKINGDAMNIT.

Ok well whatever, being a recruiter is not unforgivable and well, he’s still hot. I proceed. I explain that my dad was in the army and because I’m his only daughter*, he always admonished me to steer clear of the military. And then SGT. McHotterson says, “Oh well I can understand that, I don’t think I’d want my little one joining up either.”

wut?????

Dude looks 20 and now he has a 3 year old. Great. “Yeah I mean the army’s a great place– that’s where I met my wife.”

#!@*#^*!@^#!@%!#

Figure 2: Dear Uncle Sam, can I have my face back?

You know what? Fuck the army, and fuck their (hot) recruitment tools!

*Because if I had a younger sister my father would be totally ok with it if I were shot, raped, or blown to pieces?

July 23, 2008 at 7:50 pm 3 comments

A Gentleman’s Sport

Maria Sharapova got a lot of crap for having the AUDACITY to wear tuxedo-inspired SHORTS at the Wimbledon tournament (its conservative dress code requires that all players wear white). She lost the match, but the ensemble is really cute imo.

shorts

Based on personal experience, I gotta say that skirts are cooler and allow for more freedom of movement. They also don’t shrink the hell up when you wash them like dresses tend to. Mostly though I suppose I enjoy anything that allows me to look stereotypically feminine (e.g. my bike) while engaging in stereotypically masculine activities such as ass kicking.

Figure 2: The Court Da Club

Of course, above all I support a woman’s right to choose. Unless it’s Sharapova’s ugly ass matching warm ups…

warm up

PS- This in no way tops Andre Agassi’s tacky phase in the early 90’s. “At a televised tournament, he wore ripped denim jeans… pink lipstick and grew out his pinkie fingernail and painted it pink (wiki).”

andre

Figure 4: Axl, is that you!?

June 28, 2008 at 9:44 am Leave a comment

It’s a Different World

Figure 1: Yes, I effed up Hillary’s head.

Back story before substance: For a variety of reasons, I wiled the hell out yesterday, resulting in me crashing at 9 last night. And when I’m exhausted I tend to faceplant spread eagle and knock things over in my sleep, which results in me startling myself awake. Efficient huh? Anyway that brings us to where we are now– unreasonably alert and watching BET at 3 in the morning.

Somehow I don’t think the network programmers did this intentionally, but the episode of a Different World that’s on right now is insanely topical. Entitled “The Little Mister,” it features one of those role reversal plots in which all the presidential candidates are women– Georgia Mush, Rose Godot, and Jill Blinton. How subtle! (One of the things I love about this show is the fact that the storylines sound like things I would have written in the 5th grade). In any case, Jill’s (Whitley) husband Hilliard (Dwayne) is frustrated because as a potential “First Husband” he is not allowed to have any substance or opinions. Sound familiar?  I know they meant this as a simulacrum of Hillary (the episode originally aired in ’92), but Michelle anyone? Michelle Obama Watch is a good resource if you want to get informed and/or angry. Anyway, here’s a clip of the presidential debate on the show.

Critical Impressions*

Why do the moderators look like they just got off of work at Foot Locker?

Whitley’s purple powersuit is kinda hot…

My aunt and her Cabbage Patch Doll rocked matching versions of the EXACT same cowgirl outfit Rose Godot is wearing!

*I would attempt to address the treatment of women in politics and then digress into fashion commentary.

June 28, 2008 at 9:41 am Leave a comment

Dap Attack

Because this blog is all about me me me and I’m not currently running for office, I hadn’t really intended on delving too much into politics. HOWEVER, that was before things got personal. This past weekend at my brother’s graduation I ran into the father of a good friend of mine. I’ve known this man for 5+ years. I’ve eaten his food. I’ve slept at his house. It is entirely possible that I have even gone #2 in his bathroom at some point (hypothetically that is, since I would never dream of engaging in such unlady-like behavior). Anyhow, upon our meeting there were several possible courses of action:

handshake

Figure 1: Really though, my hands aren’t that big.

hugz

Figure 2: Soooo good to see you!

pound

Figure 3: AY GIRL, WHAS REALLY GOOD?!

Guess which one I got… I have no doubt in my mind that this happened as a direct result of that terrorist fist jab we’ve been hearing so much about. Sometimes SWPL is dead on– Exhibits A, B, and C . Bless his heart for trying to connect with urban youth such as myself though.

At least I don’t plaster on the makeup like a trollop, you cunt.

While I’m on the subject of presidential hopefuls, remember how that quote was being broadcast absolutely everywhere?

Yeah, me either. Funny how that works. Anyway, check out the vid below for a hilarious take on the matter.

No cuntry for old man…lulz.

June 24, 2008 at 7:28 pm Leave a comment

Not the Gravity Plan

Yep. Still hate running. Music helps a lot though.  Lately I’ve been running to my pre (as in pre-911) playlist.

mm

Figure 1: Got a lisp? Don’t worry, you too can be featured in mini-van commercials.

Who: Modest Mouse

What: Gravity Rides Everything

When: 2000

Where: I like it at the beginning of a run in the morning.

Why: It’s a pretty chill motivator to get going:

Early early in the morning it pulls all on down my sore feet
I wanna go back to sleep.

And to keep going:

As fruit drops, flesh it sags

fruit

Figure 2: Get your ass outta bed and keep your fruit nice and firm.

June 12, 2008 at 2:27 pm Leave a comment

Oh my God it’s just so hot and I thought you weren’t home!

Update: Justice is served.

Just walked into the kitchen to find Katie sitting at the dining room table wearing a button up shirt and no pants. Bare-assed karma at its finest.

June 5, 2008 at 10:57 pm 1 comment

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