Recruitment Tools

July 23, 2008 at 7:50 pm 3 comments

Hot off the presses! It’s my latest romantic embarrassment!

Figure 1: Not an accurate representation of the hotness in question.

So I’m walking down the steps of Vance Hall when I lock eyes with a very handsome young man striding across McCorkle Place (looks a lot like my Clefhanger gym crush, if you remember him, Miak). Anyway, trying to seem friendly and non-threatening, I smile. He walks a few more paces and then turns around. I smile again. He walks a little bit farther, stops, and asks why I’m walking alone (well duh it’s 3 in the afternoon on a Wednesday and I have shit to do…but I’ll let it slide). Anyway, he waits for me to catch up and I’m thinking SUCCESS. We’re strolling through campus chit chatting when out of nowhere he asks, “Has anyone ever talked to you about joining the army?” GODFUCKINGDAMNIT.

Ok well whatever, being a recruiter is not unforgivable and well, he’s still hot. I proceed. I explain that my dad was in the army and because I’m his only daughter*, he always admonished me to steer clear of the military. And then SGT. McHotterson says, “Oh well I can understand that, I don’t think I’d want my little one joining up either.”


Dude looks 20 and now he has a 3 year old. Great. “Yeah I mean the army’s a great place– that’s where I met my wife.”


Figure 2: Dear Uncle Sam, can I have my face back?

You know what? Fuck the army, and fuck their (hot) recruitment tools!

*Because if I had a younger sister my father would be totally ok with it if I were shot, raped, or blown to pieces?


Entry filed under: Uncategorized.

A Gentleman’s Sport Living the Pseudo Life

3 Comments Add your own

  • 1. therin  |  July 23, 2008 at 8:29 pm

    yes, the value of an individual child and number of children of a given gender are negatively correlated. you can even graph it; as the number of children of a one gender increases along the x axis, their individual value (measured in hugs and monetary gifts) decreases along the y axis. age is also a factor, and can be plotted along the z axis. – see how your soldier doesn’t want his small child to handle a machine gun. yet. he may change his tune in fifteen years

  • 2. mika  |  July 24, 2008 at 10:31 pm

    i DO remember him. also, the best part of this is the momentary inflation of your ego, all like “hell yes, you stopped, you wanna chat,” and the ensuing letdown when he reveals himself to be a recruiter. that’s the true rofl-nugget of this post. the kernel of lmao.

  • 3. El Autobus « The Lorevolution Will Not Be Televised  |  December 16, 2008 at 6:51 pm

    […] Family drama, payin’ billz, etc. The woman next to me this morning discussed the challenges of balancing your career ambitions with those of your partner. She also put it in my head that I should look into the JAG corps. Weird, I know, but I’m oddly drawn to the military, maybe it’s all the buff dudes… […]

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