Chronology of an Epic Fail.

1:00AM -7:30AM

Vacillating states of consciousness, creepy dreams.

7:30AM

Arise, scramble to assemble necessary documents, realize I must purchase #2 pencils.

7:32AM

Attempt to eat watery oatmeal, capitulate due to unflagging urge to vom.

7:32-7:50AM
Run about the dome cursing, opening and closing things, and tripping over Nigel.

7:55AM

Sprint into Harris Teeter to purchase Mt. Dew,  No. 2 pencils, and a pencil sharpener.  Realize I have forgotten my debit card in the car.  I have $5.  My total is $6.37.  Charge $1.37 to my credit card.

8:00AM-8:28AM

Become increasingly lost in Durham (note: I have been advised that no one will be allowed to enter the testing site after 8:30).

8:29AM

Ditch vehicle at earliest convenience.  Sprint full speed for 4 blocks towards what I can only hope is 333 Leggett St. carrying an undersized  ziploc bag containing a banana, 3 pencils, and a pink pencil sharpener.

8:31AM

Find 333 Leggett St., an architectural firm with locked doors.

8:32AM

Arrive at correct entrance prepared to outrun the security guard standing at the door.

8:34AM

Have my fingerprints taken.

8:36AM

Take a seat at my assigned location, shaking due to a combination of adrenaline, caffeine, and hunger.

8:36AM-9:15AM

Largely ignore the proctors and instead take stock of the other people in the room.  Do we have anything in common beyond the fact that we are all ostensibly applying to law school?  How many times have they taken this thing?  Where are they applying?  Are they going for the money or because they want to make a difference?  The girl next to me is sporting a t-shirt for some sorority event at Elon (I judge her…) and has brought Skittles for her snack (…harshly).   About 20% are African-American women.  I feel suddenly cliche.  One guy is named Robert E. Clare– this amuses me.  The mood is understandably tense.

9:15AM-9:50AM

The logic section.  I fail to finish 2 of the 5 problem sets and in bubbling in random answers at the last second am sternly admonished by one of the three proctors.  Although young and fairly pretty, her expression is severe and she comes off as an unpleasant person.  I check for a wedding ring  and instantly wonder if that makes me sexist.  No, I also check the fingers of ill-tempered men.  Jerks are almost always married, by the way.  She will later have a lengthy and somewhat nasty argument with a fellow test-taker over his refusal to fill in his social security number.

9:50AM-10:25AM

The arguments section.  I finish with ample time to spare and am quite pleased with myself, that is, until I realize with 5 minutes left that I’ve skipped 2 entire pages…FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.

The rest of the 4 sections proceeded without incident.  I feel particularly pleased with my essay writing.  We have a break after the 3rd and at about 1:15 we are finally set free.  As I walk back to the car I continue evaluate my fellow test takers.  Many of them drive off in luxury vehicles adored with Greek letters and out-of-state license plates.  I wonder why the hell the girl in front of me is wearing 3-inch heels.

1:40PM

I return to the dome and settle into the couch in a zombie-like state.  I’m not really concerned about the results, in fact I’d be scared shitless if I got a perfect score.  There’s nothing more terrifying than having to cull a distinct path and purpose from  infinite possibilities.  Although, I suppose that is what life is, essentially…

Great.